My daughter’s favorite word is “again”. This word is repeated ad nauseam in my home. Sophia loves activities that can be done over and over again. In my mind, the things she wants an encore for barely register on the fun scale. Alas, I will help her perform a big jump when asked.
This is number one on my 10 truths of parenting list: don’t do anything once you don’t want to do 500 more times. You know those fruit and veggie cutters that come in fun shapes like hearts and stars? You could easily find yourself creating unnecessary dishes because you cannot win a battle with a toddler who must have pineapple cut a certain way. The child in this scenario contains the fury of animal who hasn’t found food in 3 days…in the shape of a heart.
Perhaps contradictory, interests and appetites come and go. What’s hot today is not tomorrow. Your cilantro lime rice may be the bees knees today. Going to the effort to cook a fresh batch before dinner is going to make everyone happy next week, right? Wrong. Mom’s “Mexico” rice has won the top spot. I must have missed the ceremony when this was awarded the new victor.
Berries are expensive. Have a garden. This fact slaps me in the face every time I go shopping. We’re not allowed to step foot in a grocery store without buying a fresh pack of strawberries. I’m not sure who allows prices of organic berries to be so high, but I’m forced by the hands of children to supply them daily. I’m waiting on my vertical strawberry garden to yield enough of those diamond-shaped fruits to cut big farma out of (some) of my life.
During a recent trip to the playground my wife continually gave me side-eye as my daughter climbed and jumped and played. She was uncomfortable with the comfort Sophia had as she navigated the obstacles. It likely didn’t help that I ask adults to step away from the structure and gave her strict rules that she was not allowed to be close enough for Sophia to feel her breath on her neck. Playgrounds can be scary. Don’t distract a kid who is doing dangerous stuff carefully. Kids need to learn their limits. Sophia has been told many times that if she cannot get up or down from a position she puts herself into, then she needs to pend that obstacle for a later time. My kid will only be airlifted from a playground in the worst of circumstances. Saving kids from situations they put themselves in is a scenario I want limited involvement in.
Decide early what rules you want to enforce. There is nothing more confusing than having a rule enacted late in a game, or reversed once the cards are dealt. We fail at this rule often. I blame the ingenuity of a four-year-old’s brain. I cannot keep up with the creativity. Just months ago a barstool was used as a prison cell. I only learned of it when one of my 16-month-old girls was inside and the older kid was guarding the outside. Thus, a new rule was put into place. The sooner you can make rules the better. A good rule of thumb: create fewer rules that can be applied to multiple situations.
Sophia was having a rough day about a year ago. There was little that could be done to console her. I often say that the finish line for any given day is bedtime. And on this day, the finish line seemed to be no closer as the minutes ticked on. I had given up hope on being productive in any way other than caring for this two and half foot monster. Bath was going to start and I needed it to last as long as possible. Food coloring can be added to a bath. Moods can be changed with colored baths. And changed they were. It probably wouldn’t be recommended by doctors to do this every night. Save it for when the events of the day fall on either outer ends of the mood spectrum. It’s a nice reprieve or a nice treat.
Speaking of moods. The inner working of a kid’s mind is like a pendulum. Sometimes I’m aware enough to know when a meltdown is imminent. Other times the pendulum has swung and stopped on the wrong side without warning. Address these instances quickly with a discussion. Timeouts don’t correct behavior. Normalize conversations to achieve this. The sooner you can find a verbal trick to knock out the bad behavior the better. Remember, the idea after having kids is to continue living your life. If you rely on the chair in the corner to correct behavior, you’ll quickly realize your outings are unproductive without the ability to hold a timeout.
Walks outside can change everyone’s state of mind. When all else fails, get some fresh air. The walls of the home can feel like they’re closing in when emotions are difficult to manage. The noise level rises and echos are loud. A short stroll around the block can do the trick.
Our house is a mess on the best of days. The idea of introducing new toys or activities can make my mind spin in its skull. However, this is a great tactic when you can’t go outside. Have some fun toys that are not always available. Get those toys out when you need a break. Dump a bag of blocks. Pull out a few hidden sheets of stickers. Bonus points are awarded to parents who can get these activities going in often-ignored corners of the house. The change of scenery helps.
Everyone wants autonomy. Allow kids to choose from options that still make progress to the end goal. We’re going upstairs, do you want to walk or fly? We’re headed outside, do you want to find your shoes or should I? The result is the same, but the child has made a decision on how we get there. Everyone can win when this happens. Letting them walk up the stairs may take a little longer, but we didn’t choose to have kids because we wanted to sprint through life, did we?